Joe

Thank you so much for another insightful, intelligent article. I am sorry for your situation, and I can only say that I sympatize, having been in your situation myself.

In general, I follow your debate on American health care with great interest. I live in Sweden, where we already have a national health care system, but since this system is under constant revision and pressure, nothing is to be taken for granted.

My mother was diagnosed with Leuchemia 16 years ago, and died a year and a half later. She had excellent care in the hospital, where I was encouraged to stay with her for long periods of time – I really felt I made a difference. At that time I was newly divorced, and my children were not yet born. She did pay a small fee for certain services, but all in all I think it came to a couple of hundred dollars altogether, for months of care in the hospital during a year and a half. (If she hadn’t been able to afford it, she would still have received the same care.)

My mother had long periods where she was almost back to her strong, healthy self, and we did manage to travel and make the most of our time together (which we knew were limited, since she wasn’t cured completely). I am grateful for this. I am also grateful to the hospital staff who were wonderful to us. My mother had her own room, and I was encouraged to stay with her. We were also served a nice meal three times a day. (This may not be the case in all Swedish hospitals today, unfortunately.)

Obviously it is enormously sad for me and my family that my mother did not live to get to know her grandchildren. Also, if I had been a mother at the time I wouldn’t have been able to spend so much time with her. I received sick benefit for the time I spent with my mother in the hospital – her doctors encouraged this and gave me the necessary verifications. So I did get some financial support from the state – although not without trouble.

I am not sure this would have been possible today, but I do hope so. We still have a good healthcare system – I hope it will continue that way.

There are a lot of parallells between Sweden and the US, culturally and otherwise. Another one is the way we live our lives – seemingly independent, healthy and happy. Anything else is an abberation, right? But it is a weird state of things, in many ways. We are sometimes too isolated from basic human needs, I think. Old people in Sweden are sometimes very lonely, for example.

I only disagree with you on one account in your article. Small children do understand death, sometimes much better than adults. I have experienced this with my own daughters, who have spent a lot of time missing their grandparents (they have only met their paternal grandmother, when she was ill), they have lost relatives and been to funerals. Children are not frightened of serious issues in the same ways as adults. Some adults seem offended when confronted with illness and death – even after a very long life.

We do need to find a more compassionate way to live together. We could start with acknowledging the fact that we need each other. Also, we need to value professional caretakers much, much more.

Thank you Judith, and take care.

Best Wishes,
Erika Lunding